Cup of Tea + Tony Robbins

I recently met another powerful entrepreneur for coffee and we inevitably were talking about those who inspire and motivate us. Upon just mentioning his name, I noted our hilarious reactions to a man I find monumental. Without intonation--or even a glimpse of how I felt about the man, I simply said the words, "Tony Robbins..." and immediately she cringed and said, "His voice!" A grimmace, silent snarl, a look of obvious digust. I laughed and said incredioulsy, "His voice!" Like Neil Degrasse Tyson, a voice so deep, soothing, and inspiring I couldn't fathom how someone could not love it and the being it emanated from. The point? Does Tony Robbins need to change his voice to be a monumental powerhouse and success? That'd be an obvious: hell no! Same with the literal interpretation of "a cup of tea". I dislike black tea. I love chai tea. How many people could say the opposite? What makes one tea so great to someone is quite literally what turns some people off from it. Take black licorice. Perhaps the most nausea inducing two words I could strum up. My family members revere in this sickening snack food. As one of my yoga mentors knew so slyly... I took her class years ago and said, "That was an amazing class, thank you! I loved your sequence." She smiled and said thank you. More specifically she smiled and said, "Thank you, but I can't take that too much to heart. I guarantee somebody else took that class and f*cking hated it." (Name that teacher, Columbus yogis!) Lol. For the reasons that some people loved this teacher's amazing sense of humor, playful sequences, and frequent droppings of the f-bomb, other yogis were so vastly offended they would talk shit and never return their disgust was so palpable. In my own experience, I know this is true. Upon teaching one of my final ceritifcation classes to become a 500 Hour Yoga Teacher, I had to practice teach in front of many mentors and yogis much more experienced than I. Maya Angelou was spot on about a lot of things, and especially, "You'l lforget what they said, what they did, but you'll never forget how they made you feel." Upon my last ceritifcaion, what I'd ancipated would be a night of great celebration and accomplishment, I passed my ceritification and processed the feedback of two very different yoga teachers. One who had constructive feedback and encouraging words as well, another with three pages of solely negative feedback with phrases like "shut the fuck UP" and after three pages of pure negativity, "Oh, and you passed. I guess I should have led with that." I gave one final fake hug to a woman I'd grown to experience as quite cold and hypocritical, I drove home ceritifed and cried and cried, feeling like I was genuinely a horrible yoga teacher. Did I have room to grow? Absolutely. But I also felt pretty crushed and like mega shit about myself, all from this one person's perspective. It was the week before Christmas, and two days later, I taught my next yoga class. An attorney who had come to my class for a year came up to me at the end of class and handed me an envelope. After I opened it later that day, the words inside the card also made me cry. Along with a twenty dollar bill, my well accomplished student had written, "In a year that has been difficult in many ways, I've appreciated and looked forward to your classes so much. You have such a gift and something else amazing." This was the proof I needed that: 1) Of course I can always be better and will continue to strive to be my best. 2) While one person could not bring themselves to say even one positive thing about me as a teacher, another person, my student, certainly could. And while I"m likely not the best, I'm most certain I'm also not the worst. Somewhere in between lies the reality of me being a human being trying my best. Reminds me of a manuscript I wrote in advanced creative writing in which a person I thought I was my friend had written some very negative feedback throughout my entire piece. A bit of an elistist snob (in my book) he too had found not one positive thing to say. I remember being deeply hurt by his criticisms (as some know, not ALL delviered feedback is constructive) I had a friend who'd meant so much to me come into my apartment and see his comments on my manuscript. He took a pen across the front and made a huge "x" across it and wrote, "Fuck that." To the petty and insecure, the literal critics of the world... very little I believe can be done to turn their perpetual misery into joy or contentedness. But finding your people, the people who know you aren't perfect and have plenty of work to do but encourage you? Cheer you on and see your potential? These people are worth their weight in gold. Not that you can't take what haters have to say, but know that what they have to say is not the only and final opinion on the matter. Some people are deliberately out to make you feel small or like shit. Let them lie in their misery and move on. There are plenty of others who will see your strengths and help you shine.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I had was getting super literal about the phrase “not everyone’s cup of tea”

As more of a coffee drinker in a world of tea chugging yogis…

Same with styles of yoga or having an affinity or aversion to certain teachers… you are either drawn to their foul language and find it funny, honest, and refreshing… or you are absolutely offended and irratated that someone would speak such vulgar words in a yoga class.

Some people are indifferent, I suppose, but most people really do tend to love or hate somebody or something… for the same exact reasons!

As a former people pleaser, I can say with full understanding that I get not liking not being liked.

Whether it was regularly auditioning for bands or auditioning to teach yoga at various studios or corporations, almost always there was a quite literal and real sense of being judged. I am arrive TO be judged, to see if I passed or failed, to determine my hierarchial ranking compared to my peers for placement in said position.

Some of my senior teachers absolutely loved my personality and found me delightful.

Others I sensed immediately disliked me. This used to really bother me. One of my senior teachers, a fabulous, talented, and very experienced yoga teacher taught classes I found so dry and boring that I would stand in her classes one hour in and think, “even if I was one hundred years old, I could not find this class to be more excruiatling boring, dry, and cold.”

She being my senior often had the power in our relationships, and upon observing my final ceritifcation class used words phrases like, “Too much talking. I wished you’d just shut the fuck UP.”

To which I’ll admit, really hurt my feelings.

What some people love about me: my typical enthusiasm, bouyant personality, and sense of humor can be really annoying to the serious, stoic, and perpetually depressed people of the world.

I am definitely not everyone’s cup of tea.

That doesn’t mean I can’t take people’s feedback and work on getting better—of course you should always be growing and listening to what people have to say.

And of course life ISN’T black or white, but almost always somewhere in between. Knowing you can take what people say but not get DEVASTATED by their disdain for you… don’t take it personally.

The book “How to Deal with Annoying People” is one of the best books I’ve ever read. The catch? We’re all annoying to someone!

You can work to be better, but also know that green tea can’t or shouldn’t shift to trying to be spicy chai—it isn’t. And to conform to someone else’s standard in such a way does a disservce to the people who LOVE what you naturally are.

I fully beleive that we attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Everyone free to be as they are.