Letting People Go (in Peace)

Wise people ignore… quote. I used to think this was encouraging apathy or turning a blind eye to an obvious problem…

But over the years I have learned that all of us make our own beds, and those who treat people like crap are bound to get their moment of justice eventually.

Doing the right thing for YOU should be essential. I used to think this meant encouraging egomania and self-centeredness, all about “me”… but really, doing best for you helps all of those in your life that need you, want you, love you, and support you.

See: Fountain and Drain post.

In your personal life or professional career… occassionally the painstaking circumstance of needing to part ways or move on with life eventually seems obvious.

Loved Brendon's podcast, "When to Walk Away"

Are the majority of my relationships with people deep, meaningful, and long lasting? Undoubetedly.

I am fortunate enough to be very close to most all my family members, lucky and grateful to have lifelong relationships with those with deepest roots. Friends and in connection with some of my best teachers in life, connected for decades to amazing human beings…

Occassionally I have run into a handful or two of people that eventually, I have had to let go of.

Like seeking your lifelong partner (if that's your thing), you might have to date many frogs before finding your prince.

While most all of my exes were in fact great people, there's little doubt in my mind that they were certainly not meant for me for the entirety of my life.

While I'm friends or at least cordial with most all meaningful people from my past, in business, I've learned what at first what shocking news to my (at times too open hearted and totally naïve) persona: not ALL people have your best interests in mind.

Some people will use you again and again and again… as long as you let them.

As a woman who had been cheated on in a few significant relationships that had lasted years and meant the world to me, I pride myself in my ability to advise all women: If he cheated once, he'll cheat again.

Unfortunately for any player that came after the day I gained stealthy self-resepct (and most fortunately for myself who at last realized my value), the few boys who came after were dropped immediately and with no remorse.

Eventually in business we learn the same.

If someone plays you, ,aybe you take it for a year or two while you learn the ropes. But eventually? You will drop those people and never look back. Or at least, that is my hope for you.

This is perhaps a cotroversial take on self-love.

In my sterotyping of genders, I have found in my personal life and the many confidings of women sharing all, that women more than men tend to rationalize and feel greater sympathy for their partners: yes he's a ragiging alcoholic, abusive, unfaithful, demeaning, and rude… but it's because of xyz, and xyz, and xyz.

Many of these women can be so overly critical of themselves… and yet make such an inifite list of excuses for staying with someone so clearly not right for their life and their values.

Letting somebody go does not require name calling or personally attacking their character… letting somebody go, peacefully and firmly can not only bolset your self-esteem (establishing an inner repsect from releasing what isn't working for you).

Heartbreak on both sides may be unavoidable. Parting ways is often quite sad and may cause temporary blues.

But in the long run, releasing what is bogging you down or mistreating you is worth the space created for that which you are truly meant for.

The culture of modern yoga studios does not necessarily lead to self-realization as much as it can lead to criticism, condescending demeanors, egotistical teachers, personal conceptualizations projected as the answer for all, etc.

Though the community is the heart and soul of everything and all of us are existing simultaneously on this globe, the influence of others is an interesting phenomenon.

As I do the dirty work of turning inward and facing my demons head on, I find at my core, I must continually come back to the concepts of self-love and self-reliance.

Similar to a writing workshop, close-knit communities can lead to harsh judgements and insecure projections of others onto you.

Out of the jealously, envy, hatred, or a desire to control, I find that I personally must first rely on myself as my best teacher.

This is not to claim that I am the source of all answers, as that is ridiculous. I have many, many, many teachers.

I collage their theories into something that makes sense to myself, and I move forward with their guidance, but moving from my own gut instincts and center.

Most of these people giving me advice are one layer removed from being perfect strangers, and they do not know the complex fabric of my life.

So while it is certainly wise to cut your learning curve in half and listen to the advice of your elders and peers, I do not believe it is any one human's place to directly control others.

We can have similar beliefs or not, but it is up to each of us to be our own controller, our own ultimate authority and ally.

I personally have found that sometimes, out of sheer jealously and hatred of my successes, I can be insulted, manipulated, bullied, and taken advantage of by many of my so-called teachers, mentors, and peers.

Though my biggest belief is that we all truly have value and all of us at our core are innocent, beautiful, worthwhile people, it has taken me many years of real-world experience to realize that not everyone has your best interest at heart.

So, while community is very important, your own relationship with yourself must be quite resilient to know when you are being treated poorly.

Too often I see sad or dejected people being treated horribly by the people they most look up to--believing truly that for some reason they deserve this unfair treatment.

Maybe their livelihoods depend upon these people, maybe they perceive their popularity depends upon their connection to this person.

They shift from adoration and love to fear and intimidation.

And if nothing else, I aim to be a strong individual that stands up to those I perceive to be unjust.

And to not be hypocritical and presuppose that I myself am also not capable of doing wrong to people, I have found recently that I have little to stand up for, little to actually resist.

All I can do is focus on my own wellbeing, on doing the best I can do for myself and those I love and hope to lift others in the process.

I'm not as interested in using my anger to fight those I oppose in anger.

I can silently and peacefully disengage from what I disagree with and use my energy to build and support a mission and community of people I do align with, genuinely.

There is nothing to fight, nothing to force.

What is meant to be will be.

Time will tell.