Summoning Optimism, Enthusiasm + Excitement

I'm really good at helping people get started and encourage them with optimism, enthusiasm and excitement.

But then, I at last understand and fully accept my own cycles of creativity as a woman, artist, and writer, and at long last I feel so incredibly free to just be exactly as I am.

The fight really was from within for all these years. The end of the fight comes with the befriending of your deepest self, the little child you can still recall that was wide-eyed and innocent, hopeful and loving and sweet.

No matter how many horrid turns we may have taken, no matter what we may have witness (and mind you, it may have been a living horror) still, there is a sweetness, a contentment that lies deep at the core of all of our beings.

I'm just a person. I can throw some arbitrary titles, labels, and ceritifications your way, but really: I'm just a person, and I write so I can emotionally connect with other people.

It is dangerous to speak up and immediately alienated yourself annonyousmly from strangers who read your words and assess you.

Stand up comedy closely related to the writer: quirky, confident, and totally alone to either creating a roaring buzz of laughter, tears, truth, activism, inspiration, and community or crickets, booing, complete ostraciszation from society.

As an only child, I admit: I probably have a more desperate desire to be liked by the masses than most.

In many ways I grew up feeling very alone, at least in my age, mind, body, and spirit.

Scarlet in full force at twenty one.

And an older version of me wonders why I was born the day of an American war to a rock and roll drummer and gorgeous blonde mother, conceived shockingly out of wedlock with strong resistance/disappointment/shame from the surrounding Catholic community (of at least thirty-two first cousins [on one side]).

Sophie's World I would recommend again and again.

Macroscopic and microscopic.

Universe. Your brain. Holy shit.

Sat Nam. I AM THAT.

I AM THAT.

Walt, god dammit. I know.

Chills.

Truth.

Spirit.

Instinct.

I have always been here.

As a cosmic force, this really is all a dream realm, an unknown, a magnet, a life force teasing me with everything I've ever imagined to a tee to further prod my skepticism. You STILL don't believe it entirely?

Okay. Wink. Wink. Wink.

The heavens twinkle their cosmic irony; some people call it coincidence.

Random, void of meaning, isolated.

But are we not speaking the same language? Whatever is, what is that?

To me, God.

Photo: God

Photo: God

Photo: God

I would never have imagined myself comfortably using the term "God" but at last I know what "God"—an extremely vague yet over-used word aimed at the summation of all of totality—is to me.

It is just a word many people try to attach their super-specific, sometimes archaic attachments to.

My goal is to live a long life as a peaceful, prosperous, and useful little old lady.

I do not intend to piss off the wrong people, but I'm afraid from growing up on the outskirts of a small rural town in Ohio that I have a few insights on religion that would make many who are even slightly insecure about their beliefs very angry.

Like: what do you believe? why? who taught you to believe this?

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